The future LIED to you, Keanu
I am not sure what happens in The Matrix, but it looks like it is set in the future. If this is the case, someone should inform Keanu Reeves (politely yet firmly) that he has a very embarrassing mobile phone. Maybe it was handed down to him by his futuristic Grandad? It only has a 2-colour display, and one of those colours is black. It no doubt has a monophonic ring-tone. And it looks like a banana. Some research on the internet leads me to believe that the phone is something called a Nokia 8110, which is also puzzling. In The Matrix, so far as I can make out, reality is constructed by fiendish robots or somesuch guff. If that is the case, why did they bother constructing Finland, so that Nokia mobile phones could originate from there?I mean, my phone is loads better than that and I'm not even the Messiah or anything. George is the only person I know with a phone as bad as that.
If that's what Keanu's phone is like, what other secrets is he keeping from us? He probably still uses roll-on deodorant.
These thoughts came to me as I went along to have a look at new phones that one could get. They are amazing. Probably when I get another phone in a couple of years time it will have a 4.2 mp camera on it with 8x zoom, full video-conferencing functionality with x-ray mode, an MP3 player that's powered using moisture sucked out of the air, a bluetooth dongle to interface with your cybertrainers, a hair strimmer, a device that will enable you to remote-control passing dogs, and the ability to upload small jpegs of Britney Spears into your mind as you sleep.
The Matrix 1, despite its faults, is a good film. The Matrix 2 is notable mostly because it's generated by computers for computers, apart from the Duran Duran video cunningly spliced into the middle. Therefore it is shit. The less said about The Matrix 3 the better, oh alright then, it is shit too.
That Alexander film comes out this weekend. I can reveal to you, on a not-terribly exclusive basis, that it is shit. Furthermore, it's 175 minutes and 26 seconds long, which would qualify it for a special rating, like hypershit, or shit-plex, but that is against the rules.
posted by Chairman Peyote @ 1:12 PM
2 Comments:
I thought the idea behind the first Matrix movie was quite clever, though it did take itself a little too seriously. And the special effects, well. Amazing.
2 and 3 though, oh what disappointments. Sometimes a trilogy is just not a good idea.
I like the reviews. I'll have to check back and read some more. Used to watch lots of movies, not much time to do that now, so my movie-watching time isn't something I want to waste on garbage.
Thanks for the comment, Mama. Yes, there is so much rubbish around, and it takes a lot of time. I like to watch subtitled movies in fast-forward on the VCR; you can watch the movies four times faster and in the case of The Lady and the Duke (for instance) they're no worse.
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