One Word Movie

Here is a very sad story

When I was at university, my best friend told me a very sad story indeed. Let's call him James Jelly, for the sake of a cheap laugh. When James was a kid in the 70s, his dad got a building contract in Rhodesia, and the whole family moved out there for a few years. He had this one story about being on a bus, hearing some bangs, thinking it was a motorbike, but finding out later from the big holes in the bus that someone had been shooting at it. Apart from that, life went on pretty smoothly for Jelly Jnr.

One day one of his friends had a birthday party. They hired a movie projector, and everyone sat around watching this new film called Star Wars. Can you imagine? It must have been the best birthday party ever. Everyone remembers where they first saw Star Wars. I went to the Dominion on Tottenham Court Road to see it, I remember the big cut-outs of Darth Vader, and I remember being confused by light sabres. I mean, how did they stop the light at the end of the sabre, how come it didn't just go on forever?

So, a little while later, James has been pestering Mr Jelly for a birthday party just like that one. This was still the late 70's, James wasn't to know that Empire Strikes Back wouldn't come out for another couple of years. But his dad rents a film, and James gets all his friends round. His mum makes popcorn, they turn down the dimmer switch, all you can hear is the sound of the reel flicking round. And then the titles come up: Star Trek, The Motion Picture.

James reckoned that was the worst 136 minutes of his entire life. None of his friends spoke to him for weeks, and he knew, deep down inside, that he deserved it, for making them sit through such remorseless shit.

Incidentally, I found out something extremely disturbing after watching Million Dollar Baby. Clint isn't just older than my Dad, he's older than Shatner. Shatner had the grace to concentrate on doing Pulp covers, so I hope Clint watches and learns.

posted by Chairman Peyote @ 2:07 PM