One Word Movie

The Island

From what you have read about this film, you might be aware that there's a bit of a twist. Well, sorry to spoil it for you, but after a mildly interesting first half hour, the twist is that the film turns into a stupid and overlong festival of boring chases.

OK, when you see Michael Bay's name on the credits, you know that you're going to be a very disappointed little boy if you wanted an interesting film for Christmas. It was obviously going to be a shit film. But this is a badly-done shit film, with lots of imbecile plot-holes. For instance, Ewan MacGregor and Miss Scarlett can get out of the clone meat facility, simply because all the doors have been left open.

In Batman, for instance, you were interested in what happened because it followed some kind of plot logic. Here, the plot is merely some kind of justification to string a load of second-rate chase scenes together. Actually, there is one good chase scene (where Ewan tosses the big dumbbell things off the truck). But that's all you get. They run everywhere as well, maybe they think they're getting fat?

Why has Ewan MacGregor been cast in this role, by the way? Does he think that if he appears in enough shit movies him and Jude Law will be able to club together, buy Canvey Island, and turn it into Jurassic Park? Scarlett Johansson is OK except she looks like she's been punched repeatedly in the lips, and she's not given anything to do. Oh yeah, I've just remembered, yes she does, when Ewan is having the man-fight with Sean Bean, she gets to rescue a load of clones from incineration. Afterwards no doubt she gets a job working with sick animals and designing lingerie.

Two further things about this movie. Firstlly, it's the most violent 12A-rated film I've seen, I thought Sean Bean was going to eat a live squid at one point. And secondly, it says on the poster that Michael Bay directed Pearl "Harbor". Well, sorry, that's not going to impress anyone very much, is it? That's like mentioning, on a first date, that you have a tendency to poo yourself when you get excited.

Coverage of obscure Hungarian art-films to return shortly.

posted by Chairman Peyote @ 1:52 PM