Lego Potter
In a thoughtless comment on the latest Harry Potter film, I said that it would have been better if they had used Lego instead of real actors. Like one of those horribly loaded statements that never really go away ("you always steal my chips" / "blue makes your eyes look a bit fat") it has lingered in the air like toilet-fug in a curryhouse. Because, on further reflection, I think it's a great idea.
The main problem with the Harry Potter films is that they're in a big rush to make them before the cast either a) grow up, become ugly, and discover bad behaviour, or b) die. This results in them doing a shit job. However, with Lego, this would not be a problem, the film-makers could be as dilatory as they liked. Furthermore, the range of Lego already exists, and while it is almost as expensive as plutonium, and therefore definitely more expensive than hiring a load of crinkly old british thesps and kids, I feel they could afford it.
Further benefits are: the Lego is definitely a better actor than the kid who plays Draco Malfoy. Because Lego is very wee you could build the sets out of Lego too, and then use CGI to take the knobblies out. If the Lego has a rubbish haircut you can just take it off and replace it with another one, or leave him as he is so he can play the role of Luthor in the forthcoming Lego adaptation of Superman. Lego Potter will never break his glasses, and the Lego version of Ralf Fiennes (pictured) is fucking scary. It is easy to make mutants using Lego people, especially with a small saw blade and modelling glue, and Harry Potter would definitely be improved if it had mutants in it. And finally, you wouldn't need a Lego Robbie Coltrane to play Hagrid, you could just use a normal sized person and that would be about the correct scale.
In fact, I am so sure Lego Potter will happen, that I am a bit scared that it has started happening already and we just haven't noticed. If you watch carefully you'll see that Hermione's hair was looking a little rigid in that last film, if you know what I mean and I think you do.
posted by Chairman Peyote @ 6:43 AM
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