One Word Movie

The Bourne WhoGivesAShit?

Potatoes. A very versatile tuber, even though Andrew doesn't like them. They're great roasted, sauteed or chipped. They're very functional as an art material, and I think if you get some acetone, you can extract strands of their DNA. What a player. One thing they are not so good at, however, is fronting a Major Motion Picture. Like The Bourne Supremacy, for instance.

These would be perfectly acceptable dull action movies, were it not for Matt Spudder Damon in the lead role. With him, they are risible and shit. I swear he is the seppo equivalent of Johnny Vegas. They even have to speed the fighting up and make it all blurry, because Mr Potato Damon throws punches like he's had 12 pints of Guinness. And isn't there something in the first movie about how he can run a mile in 5 and half minutes after eating a Bhuna without so much as a wet fart. Come on. As if.

Actually, the car chase is good in the first film. That's it, you can turn off afterwards.

posted by Chairman Peyote @ 2:34 PM