One Word Movie

Superman Returns

I remember loving the original Superman film, which is quite perturbing, because it came out in 1978, pretty much 30 years ago, bollocks, but anyway, I remember collecting the Superman cards and chewing the bubblegum that came with them and sticking it behind the left wing mirror of the Mini, even though I didn't like bubblegum, but you had to do something with it, I remember being round at Stephen Lovell's house, it was for his birthday I think, when I got the Last Card, Superman's left eye, and after that I became completely disinterested in them (to the point of petulant ingratitude). I remember trying to draw Superman, which started off quite easy (primary colours & boots) but I never got the hang of the Superman symbol, because it's a weird cropped seriffy 'S' inside a bendy pentagon. And I remember thinking it was describing something that was real (unlike Star Wars, for instance) and if I concentrated hard enough soon I too would be able to do the Superman eye lasers.

Given that it didn't quite work out that way, the new movie is still really good, and definitely worth going to see at the IMAX. It's quite talky and leisurely, like the 1978 version - to the extent that all the cast wear strange 1970s versions of 40s clothes, and apparently Bryan Singer made a computer-generated RoboBrando to do the Jor-El lines. But there are a few cracking action sequences too, and the new chap in the cape is a disturbingly good Christopher Reeve impersonator.

I do have a few issues with it, however, but these involve major major plot spoliers. So, if you don't want to know the scores, look away now.
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#1) There is no way that Superman could benchpress an entire continent, made out of Kryptonite, out of the Earth's atmosphere. No frikkin way. That is against the rules, and it would never happen in real life. I can just about forgive this lapse.

#2) Superman makes it with Lois and she has a baby. However, considering that Superman is an alien, it is extremely improbable that they would have compatible DNA. Evolutionary biology dictates that a lobster, for instance, would be a much more recent Last Common Ancestor than Superman, and I really can't imagine Lois Lane wanting to get jiggy with the seafood platter. Furthermore, the resulting creature would be like what happens when a donkey goes out with a horse - you get a sterile hybrid like a mule, and no-one wants that.

This inconsistency is alright though, because the bits with the kid are pretty good. And it also means that Superman had a kid and then buggered off and got some other man to bring up is spawn, without paying no child support or nothing.

posted by Chairman Peyote @ 10:31 AM