One Word Movie

Ho ho ho

I went downstairs to find Dave watching Con Air on Sunday night. There is little to admire about that film, but much to enjoy. It's a very good dumb action movie, like Predator for instance. Even taking into account the scary fact that John Cusack appears to be made out of some kind of shiny plastic in it.

Half way through they had the Channel 5 news on (Kate Moss does poo) and then they had this hilarious ident, I assumed it was for an insurance company or something. There is some bloke on a gentle snow-slope on a mountain. He puts his haversack on the ground, downslope from him. I start to laugh because it's obvious what's going to happen next. The 'sac slides away from him. He goes to grab it, but loses his footing. He accelerates down the slope for a while, trying to do the most feeble ice-axe self-arrests in history, he uses his ice-axe to tap on the slope in the same way that a delivery man might tap on the window of a tea-shop to let them know their shipment of Oolong has just arrived and there are 2 extra scones. And then just when he gets his axe in, he's left dangling over 10,000m of exposure or something preposterous like that.

At this point I was expecting the slogan of the insurance company to pop up, maybe something like "morons fuck up all the time, maybe you should pay us all your cash". But no, the deep voice came on saying: Vertical Limit, next week on 5. I've seen it before but I was drunk then. I am almost tempted to watch it again, sober, to assess just how risible it is. This is a prince among shit movies. Don't watch more than 5 minutes of it or you'll be struck blind.

posted by Chairman Peyote @ 2:15 PM